Photo courtesy of Tiago Ribeiro
“What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate.”~Henry David Thoreau
I have a very clear memory of me looking into the mirror and thinking “what a worm”. I couldn’t put my finger on why that particular day I had decided to feel like a loser,and than it hit me. Even if there a good reason (there wasn’t) feeling like that would not help me do anything about it. It would not help me, it would not change my view, it would not do anything positive. It was a useless way to feel. I decided then that whenever I caught myself feeling like that I would take action before resigning.
Things that make us feel like a loser ares:
- Regret
- Not following through
- Lacking a sense of purpose
- Feeling Powerless
- Being in bad health
- Feeling like you don’t have enough
- Keeping negative relationships
- Trying to control too much
So what can we do about each of these points?
Dealing with Regret When it comes to the past there is not anything to do. So rather than focusing on something that you have no power over turn your attention to what you can do. You can resolve to take risks so that you won’t have room to regret, but you have to let the past go. What can you do now? What can you do moving forward? Focus on that.
Learning to Follow Through This is also an important way to keep regret from becoming a problem. Either something is worth doing or it isn’t. If you determine that its not worth doing than great! Now you can focus on something worth doing. If however it is important enough to do, than follow-through on it. Put other things on the back-burner until you’ve finished it. Don’t just start something and leave it undone. This is a recipe for regret.
Find A Purpose. We often are so preoccupied with thinking that we have to find our one purpose before we can really do any good. In other words we do nothing and expect it to take on meaning for us. Rather than take this route just find something to contribute to. How many ways can you give? How many good examples can you show? Go volunteer at a soup kitchen, buy gifts for an orphanage. Run a toy drive at work, even if you can’t afford to give money or time just give what you can. There are tons of causes. It doesn’t so matter which cause you act on, as much as it matters that you do something about it.
Know the Power of Small Things
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”~Dalai Lama XIV
When you choose to take action you may not be able to take on the whole world at once, but just choosing to do what you can is powerful. A single drop of water hitting the same place will leave a hole in even a rock. The other thing is that there is only one possible way to know what you are truly capable of. You have to test it, often. The fact is that anytime you mess up you gain experience which can than be applied to do something better. If you are consistently trying at something you are likely to succeed, but you don’t know when or by how much until you commit to keep that up. So long as you can act you are not powerless. So long as you can govern your own attitudes you are not powerless. So long as you do what you can, you are not powerless.
Healthy Body Means Happier Mind Sometimes when we are feeling down and out it is simply a matter of whether we are getting all of our vitamins or whether we are getting enough sleep. Make sure that you eat small healthy snacks throughout the day, and if you find yourself particularly down try and see if you can squeeze in a ten minute nap. Also be sure to do something active. The chemicals released when we exercise are definitely a great mood booster. Another thing about taking care of yourself is you feel better about yourself for having the discipline to do that. Its a win-win here, and one of the easiest solutions on this list.
List what you have. If you are able to read this than you are not blind. If someone is reading this to you than you have a friend that is that good to you. There is always something to be thankful for. See if you can list twenty things today. The other thing is to make sure that you thank and compliment as many people as you can today. This attitude of gratefulness always will knock out at least some if not all feelings of loser-dom.
Mind Your Relationships While it is true that no one has more authority than you over who you become, managing who you spend your time with is one of the most important ways to do this. If you have somebody that regularly treats you like crap than get away from that person. If that means being rude than be rude. If you have to work with this person than report their behavior to HR. When someone is consistently tearing others down it is never appropriate.The thing is that it is much easier to pick up the habits of those we are regularly around than it is to not. If you’re not sure how to get friends worth having you can check out How to Choose and Attract Friends Wisely.
Learn to Let Things Go There are some things that you can not control, and stressing out about them will only serve to make you miserable. You can not control the past. You can not control the actions of others. You can not control traffic. You can not control everything. Accidents will happen. Things will go wrong. Trying to control these things will leave you feeling frustrated. Its going to be alright though. Stressing out and trying to control what you can’t control is not going to help anybody. In cases of other peoples actions you can set a good example. In cases of accidents you can keep a good attitude.
So the most important thing you can take away from this is that there are certain actions that leave us more vulnerable to feeling like a loser, and certain actions that we can take to prevent this. Some of these things like getting a ten minute nap, are quick fixes. Others are habits that need to be changed, and while that will take time. It is worth the effort. So if you find yourself feeling like a loser, than don’t just wallow in it. Determine a course of action, and follow through.
