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A quick thanks to @zebrapolkadots for inspiring this post.

When Dale Carnegie passed away his tomb stone was made to read:

“Here lies a man, who knew how to surround himself with men better than himself.”

Carnegie himself chose this so that not only could he lift up those around him, but also because this had been one of the main keys to his success. The fact is that if you took the top five people you spend time with, you will normally find that your income, is the average of the five. Please note that while income should never be a determining factor for a friendship, as that would be an empty relationship, there is still something to this. It goes beyond finances to your habits, attitudes, and through those ultimately to your character and destiny. So having the right friends is important, but how do you get friends like this?

Be the type of friend that you want to have. The first thing you have to do is you have to be somebody worth being a friend to. One great way to start this would be following some of the advice of my friend Mary Jaksch in her great article on true friendship. The main point is that if you want real friends you have to commit to be that real friend. Make a list of all the qualities that a perfect friend would have. How can you improve yourself in these areas? Focus on that, when you’ve got that right real friends will follow. Build yourself, and they will come.

Choose quality over quantity. It is good to have lots of connections. It is essential to treat everyone with the respect and kindness that you want this world to have. This however is not about what connections you have, and who you are nice too. This is about who you make a regular habit of spending time with. Unlike connections this is not a case of the more the merrier; this is a case of the more valuable the better. One true friend that helps you be a better person is 1,000 times better than a hundred friends that keep you living a life of mediocrity.

Never compromise. I’ve always had strange values as a young man. I didn’t like how the guys in middle school talked about women. It was disrespectful to both the girls, and to themselves as human beings. These same guys had been my friends for the last two years, and we did all enjoy goofing around, and joking together, but enough was enough. It came to a point where a comment was made, and I told them that if they made a comment like that again, that I would find a different table to eat at. It only took five minutes for that to be broken. I stood up with my food, and walked over to where someone I had just started connecting with and asked if I could sit down with them. This new group of people were my friends for the rest of middle school even on towards today. Oddly enough there were no hard feelings, though my old friends did watch their words around me on the few times that we did hang out again.

The point of my story? Never compromise who you are. Never compromise your values. If you have to do this to keep a friend than cut them loose. They can find more friends and so can you. It is an insult to both the person holding you back, and to yourself to think that one will not be able to find more friends ever again. Its not an insult to leave the company of those that you don’t want to mimic, its an opportunity for both of you to move forward. Go ahead and keep the connections, just be picky about who you spend your time with.

Be an original. The fact is that not much would be gained if all of our friends were exactly alike. So know who you are, and be that fully, proudly and boldly. It doesn’t matter how strange that ends up being, or whether your fiends agree or not. People want genuine friends, and in being genuine you are probably not always going to agree. This is natural, and good. Don’t shy away from it.

“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” ~ John Mason

Put yourself out there. This is coming from a natural introvert. Look up the events in your area, to see if anything catches your eye. I like to check meetup.com. For those not familiar with this service, you just search for your interests and see if you can find others in the same area with the same interests that want to meet up. This is actually a lot of fun, and a great way to find people with similar interests and values. You can also meet a lot of people that will stretch you as a person. Go up and introduce yourself at parties. I know this can be scary; it still scares the willies out of me, but really what have you or I to lose? If they are not your friend before, and they decide to not be your friend after-wards what have you lost? On the other hand if you don’t try to put yourself out there, and they would of been a life changing connection, than you will have lost a piece of your own potential.

Always, always, offer value. No matter what else you do, this is they key factor in attracting people to you. We only have so much time in our busy lives, be somebody who is worth spending that time with. Ways to do this include challenging your friends to be as great as they could be, being original, being honest, being good-humored, being inspirational, being supportive, and sometimes just being there.

My network of friends keeps on geting bigger, but I cannot say that I have a huge network of friends yet. What I can say is that I cherish every friendship that I have. I can say that the people I choose to spend my time with make me a better person, and that every single friendship that I have is 150% worth it! What about you? Whats the most valuable advice you’ve ever gotten on friendship? How do you pick your friends? How are you a good friend to others?

by Justin Dixon

 photo courtesy of Phil Scoville

So you want to get your name out there, or you want to leave a good impression with someone. What if you’re trying for a raise at work? Maybe you want to launch a new business. The fact is that you can do almost any of these things with one simple trick. You have got to be helpful to others.

“You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want.” -Zig Ziglar

Here are the five ways that serving others can help you in your endeavors.

1. You learn what others need. If you are doing everything in your power to be helpful for your co-workers, or potential customers, than you may run in to a consistent problem. This would be a good thing to either bring up in a meeting, or even build a business model around. After all, if its a consistent problem than you already know their is a need for the product, and if you’ve helped enough people you may even have a customer base.
2. Establish credibility. The more people you are able to help in a particular area the more likely others are to start seeing you as an authority on whatever area your choosing to help them in.
3. You start to stand out more. Which phone service would you say is best? How tempted are you to name the phone service that has been the most helpful?
4. You connect with people. When you go out of your way to help someone else, than most of the time they are going to be thankful. You come across as a thoughtful person. This makes people want to be around you.
5. You become a leader. If the best form of leadership is leadership by example, and you want others to be helpful for you (as I trust you do) than being helpful to others is the highest form of leadership. Real leadership is not position based; it is service based.

There are plenty of other ways that being as helpful to others as you can be sets you up to be more successful. What are some of the ways that you can think of?

by Justin Dixon

Who am I? What is the right thing for me to do? What is my purpose? What does it all mean? How many times have you found yourself making a decision in hopes of finding the answer to one of these questions? How many times have you chosen someone to admire based on their answers and example in regard to these questions? Its important that we ask these things, and its important that we find our own answers to them. I don’t think there is an absolute answer to any of these questions, at least not one that could be proven once and for all yet. Below are the answers that I’m using for these essential questions. These answers are just my way of seeing things. You don’t have to accept them and feel free to critique them, or even add to them.Who am I?

Short answer? You are. Long answer? This gets trippy.

Matter on the smallest level is being found to be connected to all other forms of matter in the universe. What science and quantum physics is finding out that religion has been saying for well over a millennium is that we are all connected. Or to put it like Full-Metal Alchemist did in this great episode “One is all, all is one.”

You and I are a piece of this incredible universe, and this incredible universe is all one thing. In fact the potential and wisdom of the entire un

via Essential Questions « AlittleBetter.net.

You ever gotten an idea that worked out so well in your mind that you had to act on it? Maybe it was a business model that had to be written down. Maybe it was a picture that had to be drawn. Maybe it was that diet that you were going to stick with. What happened when you went to make it happen? Did it work out the way you intended on that first try?

For most of us I think the answer for that last question would have to be no. What you need to know is that, that is okay. It is normal to miss the first time you shoot for something. The vision that we had was so perfect compared to what we actually got that even if we got close to what we wanted it just doesn’t seem to be enough. Its like the difference in a rope bridge being long enough or too short.

Don’t let it get you down. You still have breath in you, otherwise reading this post would prove difficult. So things didn’t turn out how you wanted them to, it is okay. It is good that you aimed at something worth achieving. Now is a good time to ask yourself some questions about your goal.Why did you want to achieve said goal? Was it a feeling you were after? Is there an easier way to achieve said feeling? Were you doing it for yourself, or were you doing it to impress someone else?  Is it worth going through the difficulties necessary to make it a reality? Most of all, is your goal important enough for you to make it a priority?

If your still serious about this, than I want you to take that perfect awesome picture of how it is going to be, and put that to the side. Its good to aim high. Thoreau said that we only hit what we aim at, but if missing is discouraging you than it is time to change tactics. Chances are that if a goal is really worth achieving than it is not going to be easy. If it was not difficult what would be the achievement? You don’t hear world class mountain climbers try for the jungle gym at the local park, they shoot for Everest!

What I want you to focus on is what would it take to get just a little better? What is something you could do today, that would start moving you towards your goal? The fact is that wanting a goal instantly is like wanting to take a journey of one step. We want instant results, and if a goal is worth it, than that does not happen. My grandma has a sign that reads “Every step of the journey is the journey”, and its true. If its going to happen you have to make it a priority, and you have to do it one step at a time. Things may not come out exactly how you expect them. That is part of the fun.

by Justin Dixon

 Photo courtesy of JasonRogersFooDogGiraffeBee

Everyone has a dream. Maybe yours is something athletic, like climbing a mountain. Maybe its something world changing like drilling wells in Africa. Maybe its something daring, like quitting your job and working from home. Maybe you dream of just being able to spend more time with your family. Whatever it is you are after there is one step that you have to do, or your dreams will not happen. So what is it?

Commit today to do everything in your power to make it happen. Maybe you don’t have enough money to get started. Maybe you don’t have the time to work on your dreams. The list of possible difficulties could go on forever, but if there wasn’t some element of difficulty would it be worth doing?

What you have to realize is that if your dream is not important enough for you to really commit to, than it is not going to happen. There will always be something else going on, there will always be difficulties, but you have one life that you are guaranteed, and you don’t know how long that life is. So how do you do this?Make it a priority.

Make it a priority.
When I say priority I mean something that you will make time for, and put effort into. To make this qualification it has to be more important than your tv shows, more important than goin’ out with the guys, even more important than your daily routine. When it comes to making the time for a priority consider the following quote.

“It is not the daily increase, but the daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”
–Bruce Lee

Don’t let obstacles get you down.
This is the whole point of committing in the first place. There are going to be things that are going to come up. Accept this, it will be easier. No matter what the obstacle, persevere, if your goal is worth it to you, than don’t let anyone or anything make you let go.

Be patient with yourself.
You have spent your entire life getting to where you are now. If you are looking to make some changes than you have an entire life of habit to start whittling at. Just the fact that you have committed to make those changes no matter what is already more than most people have done. Consider the following proverb:

“Be not afraid of moving slowly; be afraid of standing still.”
–Chinese Proverb

Take it one habit at a time.
I don’t expect you to change everything at once. I don’t even recommend you do it that way. Pick a habit you will need in order to complete your dreams. Spend the next thirty days just focusing on that habit. Some examples could be, writing every day, tracking your finances, learning one new thing a day. If there is a habit you need to break to move forward than pick that habit and focus on replacing it with a positive habit. For example replace negative self-talk with daily affirmations.

Be okay with making mistakes.
I can not stress this enough. Trying to do something new can be hard. Chances are you will make some mistakes. The fact is that if you are messing up, than it means you are doing something new, and you are learning. Way to go! You may not be the world champion (yet) but you are better for trying than you would of been had you not committed to making this happen.

I don’t believe in instant change, and I distrust anyone who sells it. The fact is that even if you commit to making your dreams happen, things may not work out how you plan. We don’t know how long life is. The point is to try, the point is to not give up. Just being the kind of person who never gives up on their dreams, and gets back up every time is inspiring. I would challenge you to be that kind of person. Even if you don’t make it to your planned destination. You will still be great.

Are you up for it? Will you commit to do everything in your power to make your dreams come true? Will you be the kind of person that inspires others to become better by always becoming better yourself? What dream are you going to chase? What habit are you going to work with?

by Justin Dixon

When I was little I really really wanted to be a superhero. I liked the idea of protecting people. I also liked how superhero stories usually had some good lessons like “with great power comes…” oh come on I don’t need to finish that one, and you know it. So I really dived into studying superheroes, and comic books in general. I even ran a comic book group at the Barnes and Noble I worked at for a while. While I was running said discussion group we had an evening that the answers ended up being particularly deep.

The night I went to focus on super powers I was expecting things to be cheesy and we were just going to have a good time. I got more than I expected and I was thrilled. The question I asked was if you could have one super power what would it be, and how does that fit you? The answers went right down to peoples core values, and self-image.

Than it was my turn to share, and I didn’t know what power would of been worth having. Super strength wouldn’t of helped me as I was clumsy, and I would be libel to accidentally hurt someone. Flight would probably end up with me in a laboratory being dissected. Hearing peoples thoughts would be not only a headache but I don’t want to take away that privacy, and than it hit me. Before I ask for more power, even if we were just goofing around, am I using all the powers I have as it is?

We were each born with unique talents, and the ability to add to those talents. But how many of us really know how to use them, or ever use them to their fullest. Honestly if we had extra powers all of the sudden how far would we take them? The answer goes individually, and it should be kept in mind that power is far easier to abuse than to use properly.

In the end I decided that the best power to have, may very well be in my grasp. The power of self mastery… to use all of the powers that I have to the fullest, and more importantly to use them appropriately. I’m trying to learn this power now, and sometimes I do better than other times. So far the powers that I have found so far that we each have are; the power to set limits on ourselves, the power to change those limits, we have the power to reinvent ourselves, and we all have the power to get better, and the power to learn from our mistakes thus turning even defeat into a form of victory. This is what I’ve started with, and its leading on an interesting journey.

May you tap all of your powers, and may this journey go well with you. I’ll keep posting the things that have made a difference for me, and hopefully this will help.

I can’t watch this video without smiling. I hope this brings a smile to your day too!

by Justin Dixon

via 2009 July « AlittleBetter.net.

Forget his movies the mans life was absolutely amazing. Any insight that this man had is worth listening to. These are some of my favorite things that Bruce Lee said.

It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.

I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.

To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.

Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it.

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times.

Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

Time means a lot to me because you see I am also a learner and am often lost in the joy of forever developing.

The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering.

The meaning of life is that it is to be lived, and it is not to be traded and conceptualized and squeezed into a pattern of systems.

Art calls for complete mastery of techniques, developed by reflection within the soul.

Everything you do, if not in a relaxed state will be done at a lesser level than you are proficient. Thus the tensed expert marksman will aim at a level less than his/her student.

iby Justin Dixon

The last time I tried job-hunting the traditional way, I wasn’t able to find anything but McDonald’s. I didn’t have enough experience for a lot of the nicer jobs, or they just weren’t hiring. I did manage to get a better job, but it wasn’t until I changed my approach.

I had always just focused on getting a job. I used to just pick up the wanted ads and call everyone I could. I would hop on a bus, and apply to every group of buildings I saw. I filled out tons of applications, and the only job that helped me get was McDonald’s.

While at McDonald’s I figured that if I couldn’t get McDonald’s right than I was in trouble. So I did everything I could to really do everything I thought McDonald’s should do, and I did it by my standards. I didn’t use the quick sentences with our customers even when I was rushed because I knew that it made a bad impression. At first my manager was upset because this made me a little slower, but I eventually got faster, and customers kept on complimenting my customer service.

When I showed that I could do a good job, and that I did it consistently at a place where no one but the managers were expected to do a good job people started noticing. I didn’t know it than but my next job which was listed as one of the best places to work at%

by Justin Dixon

Photo Courtesy of Stinky Pinky

For a long time I was searching for that one niche degree, that could set me apart, and thus make my career. Every blog I read on the subject said go with your passions. I’m young and have a wide variety of interests. I don’t know how to narrow it down yet, and because of what I didn’t (and still don’t) know what to do; I stopped.

I wasn’t moving forward because I wanted to find “The Magic Plan”. Now there is a big market of people selling “Magic Plans” for everything from diet to careers. They’ve been selling magic solve all plans since man was first able to chisel symbols into stone. But none of these are magic plans, they are just plans; sold for profit (either monetary, fame, spiritual), and full of whatever biases the writer also believes in.

I am not saying that there is nothing valid in these plans. A good plan still has plenty of application, but not one of them is a magic plan that is going to fix everything for your life.

I was so terrified of choosing the wrong plan, that life ended up happening without me, and my personal goals were being left behind in the process. Recently though on a stressful day where I was caught a few miles from home on a bicycle in a thunder storm with errands to run some of the quotes I read started to sink in.

I had stopped moving forward because I had thought that if I chose the wrong plan that I would have to stay like that. I was acting like it would not be possible to change course. I was also believing that there was a degree that would make my career, and thus make it easier to provide for a family.

I was missing that the degree is not responsible for making my career. I am. No plan is responsible for how my life goes. I am. And it was such a release to realize that. I can go after things that I enjoy learning about, and whether a degree is “practical” or not the degree isn’t going to be what makes or breaks me anyways.

The things that will make or break me are SELF-KNOWLEDGE, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, ATTITUDE, INTEGRITY, HONOR, and PERSEVERANCE. Those things will be a much better brand to be known for than the guy with the Magic Degree, or the guy with the Magic Plan. There is no magic plan. Plans alone are just plans, it is only the individual that can take a plan, and make it magic. But even then magic is in the individual, and the possibility of that magic is in you and me.

by Justin Dixon